They will hurt you

I had stayed late that afternoon in my homeroom class to finish a drawing I had been working on. It was nearly 4:00 when Mr. Stevens had finally finished grading his papers and announced he was ready to go home. “See you tomorrow Rembrandt”, he said with a squeeze of my shoulder. He was one of my favorite teachers. Mr. Stevens was always supportive, kind, and incredibly sympathetic. He was aware of the problems at home and made every effort to nurture the positive things in my life. As I walked through the empty hallways of Rose Park Elementary I daydreamed of being a great thief like Cary Grant had played. I pressed my small back to the brown brick wall and stealthy tip toed my way to the front doors. I had almost escaped my imaginary sheiks palace with the stolen diamond necklace when from out of nowhere Mrs. Tune turned the corner. The women never cared for me all that much and choose to utilize every moment at her disposal to reinforce this fact upon me. “What are you doing in here”, she growled. A nervous chuckle escaped my lips, which only infuriated her more. It had been three grades prior when Mrs. Tune felt the full effect of my prepubescent incisors on her left arm as she attempted to restrain me during one of my emotional outburst…she never got over it. “YOU GET OUT OF HERE NOW”, she screamed. My heart sank as I watched the realization flash behind her eyes that she was alone with me in that school hallway, and she was afraid of me. With my head hung low I walked out the front doors and into the warm sunlight.

I continued walking as the seemingly blinding light filled my vision. I must have blinked a hundred times before my pupils finally dilated and the shadows in front of me started to take shape. There were three of them, tall ominous things that I could faintly hear talking in the distance just a few feet away. I turned my head so that my good ear was pointed at them and strained to hear some identifying voices. It was Denny that I heard first. His voice was unmistakable; it was as if all the anger and abuse in his life was able to escape from those grinding vocal cords. There was something else in his voice though, something darker and steelier that told you he had already given up…that he was only going through the motions to see how much of his pain he could share with the world. Chris’s was the next voice I recognized, his dopey cherub face gave no forewarning of the angry and frightened young soul inside his skin. There was something different in his voice; it was a longing to belong to something or someone. That desperation always made him dangerous, Chris would do anything to belong…anything. It was the even more elevated figure in the middle of the two boys that frightened me the most. I finally regained my vision as my eyes fixated in on the center silhouette. It was Joey, one of the more popular kids around. His half Asian and half white heritage had provided him with a unique and handsome look. I knew very little about Joey except for the fact that he was not the one with whom to fuck. As I gazed at the three boys I noticed that Joey was smiling at me. No, not just smiling…beaming. I felt the corners of my lips curl involuntarily to meet his infectious grin. “What up”, Joey asked with friendly nod of his head. I was shocked; I struggled to think of the right words to say. It had to be cool, it had to be original, and it had to be…

CRACK!!!

Out of nowhere I felt a fist smash into my face. The coppery taste of blood filled my mouth; I felt my teeth destroy the inner flesh of my cheek like so much meat, and for a few moments I saw the night sky before the sun went down. I stood there as the three of them slowly backed away. In back of my mind through the ringing in my ears I heard a small voice whisper, “Damn, he took it”. The wallop to my jaw had set my world in a still standing motion that made me want to press my eyes into the back of my head just to make it stop. It was a feeling I would compare later in life to that moment when realize you have had to much to drink, and like it or not you would now be throwing up all your guts. As things came back into focus I spat candy apple red all over the sidewalk. The three boys waited then…I think to see that moment when my eyes rolled into the back of my head and my body fell onto the concrete. I didn’t fall though; instead I stood there desperately trying to rationalize what had just happened. Deep within my own mind I forgot that the boys were even there. I heard someone say “why”; it took a few moments to realize it was me speaking. The very second I thought to ask this question again but in full consciousness my legs came out from under me. The three boys kicked like mules and beat their fists into my body. They beat me until my swollen lips begged them to stop…until my tears stung in the open wounds of my face…until my body lay still with sound bone slapping meat somewhere far far away.
When I woke up I realized a few things…
If they smile it doesn’t necessarily mean they like you,
The beautiful ones can often be the most ugly,
Being naïve and ignorant will cause you suffering,
And sometimes they will hurt you just because they can.

Memories....