Suicide Solution?

For a very long time I fought the compulsion to end it all, to erase myself. I was convinced that the world would be a better place without me (and so were some other people). It seemed for some time there that I brought nothing but pain and suffering to my family and friends, I was a horrible young man with no conscience to speak of. My family (try as they might) realized that they could not help me and backed away. My friends one by one either turned and ran screaming or kept me at arms length out of fear. I had lashed out at the world and it had turned its back on me. It was of course inevitable that the pain I inflicted would run out of victims until only one remained. I hated myself, more than that…I loathed my life. So in my self righteous prideful mind I saw no reason not to put a loaded gun in my mouth, slide a razor across my wrists, or ingest an abundance of lethal pharmaceuticals.As I am sure you are aware by now, I failed in my attempts at suicide. After everything had failed I came to a startling conclusion…I needed to change who I was at the core. The very thing that I used to define myself was literally killing me. Like some mad scientist I picked the characteristics I admired in others and mixed them up to redefine who I was. I would give rather than take, I would give my love and friendship unconditionally, and I had to get some sort of fucking fashion sense! This was however a tough sale to those who knew my ugly past, but I was determined to never go down that dark path again. This would eventually lead to my leaving home; I had to give myself an opportunity to grow into who I knew I could be without peoples predetermined opinions breaking me down. I am proud to say that the people who know me now would never guess that such troubled times had been laid to rest in my past. I have forged and continue to forge some one that I can love…and ultimately it doesn’t matter who loves you if you don’t love yourself.Recently someone whom I love very much has confessed that they are contemplating ending their lives. This news breaks my heart because I see such beauty in this person. No one in this world is better off gone, everyone touches others in ways they can’t understand. Yes, the pain can be overwhelming but to deny ourselves the beauty is tragic. We never know what wonderful things can and will come into our lives; we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to be steadfast and strong in these tough times. I have been so very fortunate in that a few people have taken my hand when I couldn’t see light. These people changed my life with a talk, a smile, and a kind embrace. As long as there is one person who loves you…your life is more precious than anything on this world.And suicide is not a solution.