Keeping the Sabbath
Saturday: 8-27-05
I am an idiot! Let me re-phrase that, I am an idiot and I am never drinking again. The same question runs through my head over and over “How do the bands bet up this early to play”. I mean this is rock and roll right? “Up all night sleep all day”… “Its better to burn out than to fade away”…Yet here I am at 8:00 trying to understand why I keep dropping the soap in shower. Half blind I put my cloths on…and then the phone rings. Its Brody, It’s the Brody with three kids that get up at 5:00 in the morning Brody, and he is ready to go now!
I drove which meant we almost got in about four different accidents on the way, Brody tells me I am going to get us killed. I sleepily respond with devil horns on my right hand and say rock and roll. As we near the concert venue we find that all the parking is full, and I know why…these people slept last night. Suddenly I realize that all of the driveways into the parking areas are blocked of with cones and barriers but no guards. Brody screams something incoherent as I drive over a set of cones and through the barricade of the driveway closest to the concert. Wouldn’t you know it? Some prepubescent parking attendant left a perfectly good spot wide open just for me. I smile and stick up my devil horns again as Brody sings me praise for the sweet parking spot…everyone love a wiener.
It was hot; I mean the sweat evaporates of your sack hot!! I immediately ran towards the beer stand…Hair of the dog? No, I fully intended to eat spot whole! For some reason the same shock runs through my body every time I see a concert here, I look at the sign over head “Beer $8.00” Grrrrrrr. After my usual flirtatious bitching to the beer girl attendant I take the sweet cold beverage and head off to the “Village of the dammed”. The bands were great! Most of the opening performers were from Sweden and Germany. These bands had picked up the broken pieces on American Metal and had made them shinny and new, much like the British did for the blues in the sixties. It truly was a thing of beauty to watch these prodigal sons and daughters bring the original metal energy back to the states. Some notable (second stage) bands were Soil Work, Arch Enemy, Mastodon, and Killswitch Engage. My fellow horror aficionado Rob Zombie however destroyed them all. His raw energy proved powerful enough for multiple women to feel the uncontrollable desire to show him and the entire crowd the goods! This was however put to a stop repeatedly by security. Rob was of course a decoy to keep the sweaty, dehydrated, moshing, intoxicated huddled masses from rushing the main stage area.
It was 3:00 pm and at this point I had been drinking since 9:30 am, and I had to go to the bathroom. On my way out of the john I meet Brody who had two new beers and a drunken grin. I took the beer and we started towards the main stage.
When the first bands “In Flames”, “Mudvayne”, “Shadows Fall” came on stage the crowd barley moved, although “Mudvayne” exposed those who were either sober or die hard fans. A personal favorite “Black Label Society” received a warm response but not as much as they should have in my opinion. As we sat down from the animalistic guitar bashing of Zakk Wylde Brody Realized that a rather large women had her foot in his ass. In a drunken howl he jumped up and flipped around like a rabid dog on all fours screamed at the poor old woman. She quickly withdrew her chubby little digits and apologized. I couldn’t stop laughing.
Finally darkness had fallen, you could see the steam rising up from the crowd. We were all getting our second wind, and we had two more bands to go. The stage lights came on and like zombies from the grave over a thousand people rose up to their feet. The unmistakable guitar riff from “Slither” blasted out of the speakers and Velvet Revolver’s curtain hit the floor. No one moves like Scott Weiland in Rock and Roll, he is like the love child of David Bowie and Mick Jagger. Not only does he have an amazing capacity to shoot heroin, but also he can really freak you out. At the end of the show we hit the ground as if we would never stand again. The only thing that called me to my hands and knees was the glowing Budweiser light sign in the distance. We all shuffled into the beer line with each other smiling and loving, we were all seeing a good thing and we knew it. I got the beer and came back to my seat. Brody was talking to some hot young girl when I got back, her name was Candy (no shit) and she had driven down from Dallas. I personally could have given a squirt, I took this opportunity to lie down on the grass and reflect on the day’s endeavors. The cool breeze relaxed my exhausted body and I felt myself drift away…
“GET UP YOU FUCKERS!!!!!” Like the voice of God Ozzy’s voiced boomed from the speakers. I immediately jumped up and looked around at all the shit eating grins on the faces around me.
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!” Came Ozzy’s trademark laugh. The people roared and the mob mentality took over, excited electricity filed the crowd and everyone stood with fists pumping. I felt something in my gut work its way up through my chest and a roar escapes my chapped and burned lips. The curtain came down and in the distance I bolt of lighting stuck. Paranoid was the first song and we all went insane. You may have watched the dumbed down, barley walking, silly Ozzy on MTV, but let me tell you this man put on the best show I have ever seen in my life. Those ass clowns at MTV have truly done this man an injustice. As the show went on we all noticed the lighting and thunder booming in the distance while The Iron Man and Black Sabbath ripped the stage apart. Half way through the show Ozzy really laid on the intensity.
“Your not crazy enough for the Ozzman!!” Yelled Ozzy. At that very moment there was notable change in the wind as if Ozzy him self had turned it up as we all screamed.
“Your not crazy enough!!” Screamed Ozzy. The wind then quadrupled in strength, it was blowing so hard some of the weaker people actually feel over.
“GET THE FUCK UP!!” Cried Ozzy. The Thunder Boomed and a torrential rain came gushing down. Only in Texas have I seen rain this big, like a liquid marbles slamming to earth.
The rest of the show went on like that, as if God was some almighty lighting and effect guru there just for Black Sabbath. It was amazing! Ozzy repeatedly professed his undying love for all of us, and we all responded with a vocal cord-blowing cry that shook the earth.
The rain pushed the stink of day old sweat and blood into the ground as we were herded out of the Pavilion. Brody and I found the car due to the amazing parking spot and drove home blasting Crazy Train.
It was a soul stirring experience that I will not soon forget.
posted by Baron Samedi at 10:53 AM
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