Thursday, November 24, 2005

Strange Lake City

“Where are you from”?
I smile, grit my teeth, and clench my butt cheeks together…”Salt Lake City.”
“Oh! Are you Mormon”?
There is this twisted stigma that comes with telling someone you’re from Salt Lake City, Utah.
“No, I am not a Mormon”.
I have heard it all. Oh god, I have heard it all!
Everyone in Utah has four wives!
Didn’t you know?
Everyone in Utah has a tail!
Didn’t you know?
Everyone in Utah is Mormon!
Didn’t you know?
Everyone in Utah dresses like the Amish!
Didn’t you know?
Since I live in Texas I have the luxury of countering such comments and questions by saying “ That’s funny, I thought everyone in Texas was a shit kicking hillbilly”. If everyone in Utah had four wives do you think I ever would have left? …Um…lets come back to that question. The truth is Texas is not full of Hank Williams impersonators; it’s a big city with big city people. Utah is not full of Mormons…wait…shit…yes it is…but there are a variety of other people as well!! I enjoy my visits to SLC, every time I come home I feel like the city has grown a little bit more into a semi inhabitable place. Granted it has never been completely alien to me, it still holds that simple charm that I crave at times. Life doesn’t travel at 120 mph is SLC, the traffic jams are laughable, and the people don’t seem as quick to cut your throat. It’s a strange little city with strange little people, and strangely enough its home.
Here in Texas for one month out of the year the humidity lifts (and I get nose bleeds), the temperature drops (and I get nose bleeds), and I become home sick. I sit on my porch and talk to friends while I shiver and shake in the cool breeze, my Texas acclimatized body fighting with my Salt Lake recollecting mind at 65 degrees (Yeah asshole that’s cold now!). Next week I will be coming home for a short period of time, I am going to be able to see my old friends and spend some time with my family. Has it been that long? For me the true indicator of the time that has passed always seems to be the children. I don’t care if its newborn babies or the fact that my godchildren have grown another foot…it makes me feel old, and tells me it has in fact been to long. Often Uncle Colton seems to border on a mythical figure whose memory is constantly in jeopardy of slipping away. SO Like that seasonal Christmas movie hell bent on whoring you all out of your hard earned money for commercial and economic gain in hopes that for a brief moment you actually believe that every man is your brother and the world a beautiful place to live in full of smiling faces and free shit, I shall RETURN.
PREPARE FOR MY COMING!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Blind Faith


A dear friend has asked me what my beliefs and/or views are regarding the LDS faith. I felt obliged to give this question a REAL answer. Let me say I have a few… difficulties with the LDS faith.
Shall we begin?

Jesus was born of an incestuous relationship between God and Mary? Yes, that is what the LDS church believes. Allow me to explain…According to the LDS faith “GOD” was once a man of flesh and bone, just like you and me. Oh yes, he worshiped his god and as a reward for his faith and righteous life he was exalted to a state of Godliness. Yes, I am afraid our God is only one in an infinite number of gods (which defies logic) everyone. After he allowed his wife (Goddess if you will) to stand at his side they began a spiritual family…hence my brothers and sisters here on Earth. Now God had a wife…but came to Earth as a man to impregnate his DAUGHTER Mary…. Okay but get this…Mary is still a virgin because “God” impregnated her and not a mortal. Hmmm. I don’t know if my lowly semi-moral human mind can get behind that.
I want to tell you that I will be able to understand this all one day but due to the fact that I am not an active church member, I don’t pay my 10% tithe, I no longer do baptism for the dead, I don’t have a celestial marriage, and I don’t know the secret hand shake I will not be able to become a God myself. Oh yes, what others might call blasphemy is commonplace within the LDS faith. If you live righteously and by the rules set forth by “the Church” you too can become a God! An equal to your creator!

A woman cannot get into heaven unless her husband begets it? Yes, the sexist nature of religion in general is enough to make every feminist scream until her head explodes, but the LDS religion takes it to a whole new level. There has been repeated statements made by the leaders of the LDS faith as well as its founders suggesting (and in some cases saying out right) that men are superior to women. Even today they go to two different sets of classes, each teaching a different lesson. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I cant have a baby, I cant feed a baby with my breast, My threshold of pain is lower than a women, My sexual urges dominate many of the choices I make in my life, and I actually feel things physically and emotionally at a lessened capacity when compared to a women. Now you tell me who is superior!!!

The inconsistencies and contradictions between the bible and the book of Mormon are innumerable! Yes, I taught the faith while living in Hawaii. In my time teaching I read the two books extensively to prepare and create lessons. One thing that continually tested my faith was the contradictions between the two books. Look this is the word of God right? I mean if in fact the LDS faith is “true” as it professes then why does one of its main articles of faith state, “We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God”? Okay, why do we accept the Bible ” as far as it is translated correctly” but there is no question that the Book of Mormon is 100%? Oh, I see God changed his mind about some things! Well he was once only human. No, I am of the opinion that certain portions of the bible would not conform to the teaching of the LDS religion so this little clause was put in place. According to the Bible doesn’t eternal damnation await the individual who changes, re-writes or alters the Bible or it’s teaching? Surely the LDS religion is the exception to this rule!

Racist bullshit? NO, not in the LDS religion! WRONG! This is one of the biggest black eyes for the LDS religion. Unlike the many revisions and alterations that have befallen the Book of Mormon since its inception, most people are actually aware of the sudden change in the Mormon religions standing concerning people of ethnicity. For damn near 150 years the LDS faith denied the priesthood to people of African American decent. Why you ask?? Didn’t you know? They are all descendants of Cain! Yes Cain…you know…of the Cain and Able fame. Crazy? Maybe. This was put forth as an official church doctrine and policy except for a personal African American friend of Joseph Smith and his descendants…Oh and Walker Lewis who stayed behind as the Saints fled. It wasn’t until June of 1978 that Spencer W. Kimball Received “a revelation” form his lord that this policy changed. Um, why would a religion sent by God himself conform the social changes of society? I guess God just discriminated against African Americans until 1978.

Don’t even get me started on the Joseph Smiths quote about men on the moon who dress like the Quakers and live to be nearly 1000 years old. Oh boy!

Look, I could go on and on but the fact remains that ALL religions of the world are flawed. They all have their dirty secrets and their contradictions. I say this because I want you to understand that I hold no ill will towards the LDS religion…I merely take it for what it is. I have said it before and I will say it again:
Organized religion is flawed because men are flawed, and no matter how you cut it MEN run the religious show down here on earth.
Unfortunately People are afraid of this crazy world, it has no promises other than death…and organized religion gives some people peace.
And Finally, NO religion is better than another.
Anything can be picked apart and made to look ugly, but there is a beauty to everything…even the LDS religion.

You want to know what I think of the LDS faith? Like every other religion that has ever been it can give hope to the hopeless, yet it can crush the human spirit.
It can build monuments worthy of a God, yet it can destroy the homes and lives of the meek. It can give a light in the darkness to those who conform, yet it can smite those who turn away with the blackest of hands. It’s a tale as old as time, men have always had their gods. The LDS religion is no different.
As I travel in this life I will offer my hand to all, should they deny me based on my religion or lack there of…It is not the choice of a God, but the choice of a man.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Oral Trauma


They always told us that if we didn’t have anything nice to say then we shouldn’t say anything at all.
What a fucking load of submissive crap!
Tip toeing around subjects that might offend.
Accepting what is said so that you aren’t expelled from the very group that enslaves you.
Compromising who you are by keeping your mouth shut.
Don’t confuse respect with being acquiescent.
Life is in the irreverent and the defiant! I love a walking contradiction. When my human nature to label and categorize is mystified by a unique individual I feel inspired and alive. Never fear the things you say! Speak the words like some blunt force oral trauma smashing into the jaw of every societal standard, corrupting the core of the status quo. A Wartsila-Sulzer RTA96-C turbo charged two-stroke diesel engine wrapped in flesh and bone. YES!!! I crave the global voice of a modern generation. Ride the now massive silicon beast my friends naked and kick the door in on those slaves to conformity.
Give me the brutal reality!
Give me the skull fracturing truth!
Give me your impertinent words!
Whew!!
YEAH!!! Ha ha ha!!
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!!!