They will hurt you

I had stayed late that afternoon in my homeroom class to finish a drawing I had been working on. It was nearly 4:00 when Mr. Stevens had finally finished grading his papers and announced he was ready to go home. “See you tomorrow Rembrandt”, he said with a squeeze of my shoulder. He was one of my favorite teachers. Mr. Stevens was always supportive, kind, and incredibly sympathetic. He was aware of the problems at home and made every effort to nurture the positive things in my life. As I walked through the empty hallways of Rose Park Elementary I daydreamed of being a great thief like Cary Grant had played. I pressed my small back to the brown brick wall and stealthy tip toed my way to the front doors. I had almost escaped my imaginary sheiks palace with the stolen diamond necklace when from out of nowhere Mrs. Tune turned the corner. The women never cared for me all that much and choose to utilize every moment at her disposal to reinforce this fact upon me. “What are you doing in here”, she growled. A nervous chuckle escaped my lips, which only infuriated her more. It had been three grades prior when Mrs. Tune felt the full effect of my prepubescent incisors on her left arm as she attempted to restrain me during one of my emotional outburst…she never got over it. “YOU GET OUT OF HERE NOW”, she screamed. My heart sank as I watched the realization flash behind her eyes that she was alone with me in that school hallway, and she was afraid of me. With my head hung low I walked out the front doors and into the warm sunlight.

I continued walking as the seemingly blinding light filled my vision. I must have blinked a hundred times before my pupils finally dilated and the shadows in front of me started to take shape. There were three of them, tall ominous things that I could faintly hear talking in the distance just a few feet away. I turned my head so that my good ear was pointed at them and strained to hear some identifying voices. It was Denny that I heard first. His voice was unmistakable; it was as if all the anger and abuse in his life was able to escape from those grinding vocal cords. There was something else in his voice though, something darker and steelier that told you he had already given up…that he was only going through the motions to see how much of his pain he could share with the world. Chris’s was the next voice I recognized, his dopey cherub face gave no forewarning of the angry and frightened young soul inside his skin. There was something different in his voice; it was a longing to belong to something or someone. That desperation always made him dangerous, Chris would do anything to belong…anything. It was the even more elevated figure in the middle of the two boys that frightened me the most. I finally regained my vision as my eyes fixated in on the center silhouette. It was Joey, one of the more popular kids around. His half Asian and half white heritage had provided him with a unique and handsome look. I knew very little about Joey except for the fact that he was not the one with whom to fuck. As I gazed at the three boys I noticed that Joey was smiling at me. No, not just smiling…beaming. I felt the corners of my lips curl involuntarily to meet his infectious grin. “What up”, Joey asked with friendly nod of his head. I was shocked; I struggled to think of the right words to say. It had to be cool, it had to be original, and it had to be…

CRACK!!!

Out of nowhere I felt a fist smash into my face. The coppery taste of blood filled my mouth; I felt my teeth destroy the inner flesh of my cheek like so much meat, and for a few moments I saw the night sky before the sun went down. I stood there as the three of them slowly backed away. In back of my mind through the ringing in my ears I heard a small voice whisper, “Damn, he took it”. The wallop to my jaw had set my world in a still standing motion that made me want to press my eyes into the back of my head just to make it stop. It was a feeling I would compare later in life to that moment when realize you have had to much to drink, and like it or not you would now be throwing up all your guts. As things came back into focus I spat candy apple red all over the sidewalk. The three boys waited then…I think to see that moment when my eyes rolled into the back of my head and my body fell onto the concrete. I didn’t fall though; instead I stood there desperately trying to rationalize what had just happened. Deep within my own mind I forgot that the boys were even there. I heard someone say “why”; it took a few moments to realize it was me speaking. The very second I thought to ask this question again but in full consciousness my legs came out from under me. The three boys kicked like mules and beat their fists into my body. They beat me until my swollen lips begged them to stop…until my tears stung in the open wounds of my face…until my body lay still with sound bone slapping meat somewhere far far away.
When I woke up I realized a few things…
If they smile it doesn’t necessarily mean they like you,
The beautiful ones can often be the most ugly,
Being naïve and ignorant will cause you suffering,
And sometimes they will hurt you just because they can.

Memories....

To my family and friends.....

Here I am, back in TEXAS!
I started to write a blog entry detailing my adventures in Salt Lake City…but after finding that the first three hours of my journey took up an unanticipated and massive amount of space I surmised that a different route would need to be taken lest I loose the interest of you dear reader.This posting is a thank you note…more or less.
My seemingly fleeting visit began on November 30th with my dear friend Rich picking me up in his surprisingly spacious Mini “Charlie” Cooper “Special Edition” (if you don’t get it don’t ask). My time with Rich was excellent and far to short. It was truly wonderful to see my family and friends, even if I wasn’t able to spend an acceptable amount of time with a single one. It never fails…there is always someone hurt that you didn’t spend enough time with them, or they are hurt because you didn’t spend a single moment with them. This time the hurt parties were my own godson Chance and my friend Mitch…I know, I am a prick…World-class, and I thank you all for understanding.Beau was my little outbreak monkey this time; his illness became increasingly worse as my visit progressed. I am sure that his body realizing that he had taken that Thursday and Friday off decided to vacation as well and allow a nasty virus to seize his throat and lungs. After his reporting of a **CENSORED** injury Thursday morning and enjoying a wonderful Meal prepared by my friend (and Beau’s wife) Amy that evening I saw very little of my old friend. Amy’s cooking skills have undoubtedly placed an extra ten pounds on my ass! It was good shit! Ryan (the man with the metro-sexual hair) and Neal’s time with me was even more fleeting. Ryan and his three (count’em THREE) incredible children came to dinner that Thursday evening. Regrettably Ryan’s lovely wife was unable to attend due to scheduling problems at work. Neal showed up half way through dinner in all his conversational-quickening splendor. Neal’s wife was also unable to attended due to illness, unfortunately there is no inoculation for the increasingly rare Coltonfluenza at this time. I enjoyed Neal’s irreverence and ability to upset Beau’s mother with his wonderfully inappropriate topics, which ultimately forced my second mother “Ellen” back into her bedroom. Neal is a peach! The children were great, Chance and Faith reassured me that I am not yet forgotten as they showered me with love and attention (and expected nothing less in return).My brother was the steadfast true blue trooper (I knew he would be) as night after night we ran the city (and ourselves) into the ground, absolutely refusing to go to bed before three o’clock in the morning each night (a common practice for my brother as he juggles a complex and rewarding life). Regardless of the fact that he had many people to entertain and that he had to go to work the next day he never left my side for a moment, even to his own detriment. Lance showed me an amazing time during my time in Salt Lake (and I mean AMAZING) and although I didn’t think it possible he has endeared him self ever further in my heart (but that’s for another blog posting). He is a light in the dark and I feel like a better person having been around him. With every day that passed I found that our blood and friendship is truly unparalleled. Not to mention I was so relieved to hear the camera wasn’t totally fucked.My mother was her jovial self as we spent limited time together. She always seems to miss me more when I am actually in Salt Lake City. The lunch, dinner, and Company party were each special in their own unique way. I love her and find myself growing closer to her new husband Grant (in all his anti-social splendor).My time with my father was simply magnificent. His constant individual growth and love for his children makes me proud. As he watched me breeze in and out of the house everyday I never heard a jealous word, nor was I ever asked when I would be making time for him. He just seemed happy to have me there. This of course made Sunday evening even more special as my brother, my father, and I went out and had a great time. After three toasts followed by three shots of Saki we had an excellent dinner at the Happy Sumo sushi house (or something like that)…an admitted first for my father. This was followed by a few enjoyable games of pool (cut short by a lost camera) and then a movie (Walk the Line) that we all enjoyed. I would write more about this wonderful man but I don’t think I would do him justice.
It was a very special visit and of course made me unbelievably home sick.
Thank you all so very very much.